Speaking too soon

I was happy last time about breaking through the plateau, but then overnight I gained back two pounds and there the scale stayed for the past 3 days. I know there are all sorts of variables--water weight, muscle gain, etc. And I know some people would advise not to weigh every day. I personally am a fan of doing it, and apparently weighing in "at least once a week" is one of the things successful losers do. 

In the past few days I've been really trying hard to drink enough water (at least 64 oz. per day). For the past two days, I've had fruit for breakfast. I don't know if that had anything to do with it, but today the scale was back down to 185 (9 pounds lost). Even if that's all I did for the entire month, that's still pretty good. I feel like I have a few more pounds that could come off, but time will tell. I would have liked to have lost 15, since the first month is usually the easiest, but this is fine, too. 

I think it's important to use the scale as the tool it's meant to be, but not to get too hung up on the number. I'm wearing pants I haven't worn in months, so that's a good sign. A coworker said I looked like I was slimming down, so that's nice, too. 

"I can't"

There was a woman at the gym last night working with a personal trainer. I got the impression that the trainer was new for her. She was on the heavy side and didn't seem very confident. I can totally relate. It took me months of using the ellipticals and treadmills in the movie theater section of the gym before I was ready to go out on the floor where the general population works out.

It's intimidating. There are lots of really fit, healthy people lifting weights and using the machines. One of the biggest problems is that there are, what I call "bro clusters" or "honey bunches of bros." These guys--typically in their early 20s--like to work out in packs--there are usually three in a cluster. One works out on a machine, and the other two lean on the machine and watch. It's kind of disturbing, and it makes the whole atmosphere feel very high school-ish. 

So, this girl's working out, and her trainer shows her a move he wants her to do. Using one of the cable machines, he wants her to do this exercise. I'll be honest--I wouldn't even do this one, and I'm fairly comfortable using most of the machines there now. He demonstrates the entire thing, and tells her to try it. And she says, "I can't." 

Now, I don't know all of the details surrounding why she thought she couldn't, but I do know a few things. One is that, if you ever really believed you "can't" do something at the gym, the time for that is before you pay a personal trainer to publicly train you in a gym. Also, if you have any limitations (say you're missing a leg, or have a bad back, or asthma, or whatever), you should make your trainer aware of this (you probably had to disclose this before starting the sessions or joining the gym anyway) so they can work around your limitations.

I'd be willing to guess this woman was feeling self-conscious. It's easy to think everyone's staring at you. The thing is, nothing calls more attention to you than wussing out during a workout with your trainer. By the time you got to the gym, you've already realized you need help in the fitness/weight loss department, joined a gym, and made an appointment with an intimidatingly large guy to help you conquer this problem once and for all. Once you've taken those brave steps and walked through the door for your training appointment, there should be nothing on your mind (not other people, not how your clothes fit---nothing) except focusing all of your attention on what the trainer is asking you to do, and doing it. 

Also, someone might look, sure. I obviously did, but I look at lots of people. I don't stare, but if I see someone working on a machine I want to try, I'll take a look to see how it's done before trying it myself. The truth is, most people are far too concerned with their own workout to worry about what someone else is doing. 

I assume the trainer told her she was going to do it (duh--what kind of trainer would hear "I can't" and just say, "Oh, sure, no problem. Let's go get a snack and watch TV!"), because sure enough, she was on the floor, doing the exercise. 

Unfortunately, I've seen people getting trained at several gyms, and this happens ALL THE TIME. A woman is working with a trainer and when something is too hard (either physically, or for other reasons, like self-consciousness), they say those two words. It's just kind of weird to see someone who's clearly made a decision to get in better shape be so resistant to the help they're paying for. I guess it's important to put it in perspective. Sure, the work is hard, but anyone who's lived as an out-of-shape person should know bigger hardships than an awkward 5 minute exercise at the gym. 

Setbacks and motivation

So this weekend there were a lot of distractions. Family in town, a funeral, things I wasn't really prepared for (from a keeping healthy perspective). There was an abundance of food that wasn't good for me. Pasta in all kinds of sauces, cakes, cookies, salads covered in oil.

Earlier in the weekend, I had a glimmer of clarity where I thought, "Self, you should pack some food to bring with you." But I didn't really plan ahead well enough, and I didn't want to be "that" person. At least not during a time like that.

So for two straight days, I ate crap. And on Monday, we went to a restaurant (we had a Groupon for it), for which I had memorized the menu and made a great choice (grilled salmon over a salad). When we got there, the menu had changed entirely to bar food and BBQ. I don't eat meat, just seafood, so the only two options were fish and chips and a fried shrimp platter. I made what I consider the best choice on the menu: the fried shrimp platter, with a side of corn and a side salad. Even still, when I asked my boyfriend to guess how many calories he thought were in the shrimp, he said, "Probably a thousand."

During all this time, I didn't skip the gym, and I walked a minimum of 13,000 steps per day, and for the past two days, I've had 8 and 10 cups of water, but today the scale says 191. That's still down a total of 3 for the month, but it's also up 4 from where I was at. And this is usually the point where I give up.

I have to face that I have a very unforgiving metabolism. One weekend can set everything back, by a lot. So, I'm going to continue back on the path I was on and chalk it up to a learning experience. I'm going to aim for being back to 187 by next Monday. I know that sounds like a lot, but I have a feeling that some of this weight is temporary, due to eating a lot of sodium and garbage that will be flushed out with a few days of eating right.

For future reference

Dear future self,

Today was full of excuses. It was one of the coldest days it's been so far (33 degrees/22 with the wind chill factor). You had female "stuff" going on and felt kind of meh. There was some bad news, and lots of family is arriving unexpectedly this weekend. You had every reason in the world to stay home, watch some TV and just relax. 

And yet, you didn't. You got dressed in many layers. You put on your sneakers. You ran an errand (stupid post office!) You got a cup of coffee. And you went to the park. And you walked. At first you were like, "Dude, it's cold out here. Just walk a couple miles and cash it in. You can do some more at the gym." But after a while you opened the handwarmers you bought at CVS and just kept walking. Your face was cold and after a while you couldn't feel your butt anymore, but you kept walking. Soon you got to over 7 miles. And you kept walking. Finally at 10 miles, you stopped. After all, you promised yourself you'd go to the gym and work your arms. 

At the gym you worked out hard, lifting more weight than you have so far. You pushed yourself harder than you thought you could. 

And then you came home. You needed to go shopping for something to make for dinner. You strapped on your backpack and you walked some more. First, a mile back to CVS to get more of those handwarmers. That's an awesome way to get rid of the "it's too cold!" excuse. Then a half a mile back to Acme for food. And a half mile back home, carrying 20 pounds of groceries. All told, including miscellaneous walking around the house and stores, you walked 26,976 steps today. Or nearly 13 and a half miles. Plus the gym. 

Then you came home and cooked 8 servings of breakfast and 8 servings of lunch/dinner and scrubbed the bathtub. 

Basically, self, you rocked it the eff out. And you didn't let excuses get in the way. Remember this next time it's too cold/hot/rainy, or you're too tired/sore/depressed/stressed out. 

Love, 

Yourself

PS, since you did such an excellent job of everything else, we'll try to forgive the fact that the Christmas tree is still up and you're still wearing yesterday's clothes. 

Baby steps. 

27,976 of them.