Trying to stay positive

So, that little "bug" I had was bronchopneumonia. For a good part of the last few weeks, I've been coughing, tired and having trouble breathing. Now, I feel mostly good. But when I got diagnosed, I realized that 1) the antibiotics were going to negate the effects of the cleanse I was on and 2) having something knock you on your ass like that, you want all your favorite "comfort" foods. 

I got "comforted" all the way up to 190 pounds. 

That means I have gained back 20 of the 24 pounds I lost this year. 

I don't want to get into a whole "shaming" thing where I beat myself up and feel terrible. I'm trying to keep a good sense of humor about things. 

At one point, when I was 180, Bup was, too. So I made a deal with him. For every week we got on the scale and I weighed more than him, I would pay him ten bucks. There's nothing for him to lose; this something I came up with to keep me in check. Now it looks like I'm going to really have to work hard to get out of this one. 

Also, it's no mystery how this happened. I did unspeakable things to an Entenmann's cake, many, many cookies, cupcakes, a pumpkin roll and some mini-muffins. And cheese. Getting sick over Thanksgiving just gave me a bigger license to eat what I wanted. 

So, for reals, this time. Tonight it ends. I'm not letting it slide until New Years, because then I'll have gained weight for the year. There's still time to lose a few pounds before then. 

Tomorrow I eat like I did on the cleanse, with a little more leeway (if I want yogurt or a smoothie, that's fine). I have bananas, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, brown rice, yogurt and a frozen entree for dinner. I also want to make sure I'm at the gym three times this week (in addition to walking). 

Okay...let's get cracking!

Mini-update

Okay, so apparently I can get into a bit of trouble eating such a clean diet. I'm at 179 right now.

I'd be all gung-ho to turn this boat around, but I seem to have gotten some nice little bug -- the flu or something. So I'm feeling pretty terrible. But that doesn't mean there's not time to reconnect with our goals, now, does it?

I'm still working from home during my germy phase, and Thanksgiving is on Thursday. I have a giant project to work on over the weekend, but then, I'm thinking let's really kill it between the holidays. Avoid all the sugar, white flour, etc. And really get going at the gym. I have a really cute app for running that I'd like to try out, so let's make that happen next week.

On the upside, before I got sick, I was feeling MUCH better. Not sleeping all the time, and being able to get through the day without being exhausted all the time. So it was definitely worth it. But now I'm ready to start focusing on the weight loss.

Also, I'm in a few challenges on this site, so I need to kick it into high gear.

Things are getting serious

Okay, not THAT serious. But the last time I was at the doctor's, he said that even though my tests aren't back yet, there's no reason I can't cut out wheat, sugar and alcohol, to sort of clean things up in anticipation of The Big Detox.

Oh...no reason you say? But I LOVE beer! And food!!!

So last weekend, I bid adieu to those things. My diet this week has been mostly clean (a little cheese, dried fruit, mushrooms, nuts and tofu in there, but other than that, veggies and fish). I even went to a crab place with some friends and had corn on the cob and a pot of snow crabs.

But when the cleanse starts, even fish and tofu are on the no-fly list for a while. Sigh. So, today I had a nice salad from Whole Foods. I got my last kombucha for a little while and got some muenster cheese -- my favorite -- so I can say goodbye to my old friend, cheese.

Tomorrow I do my weigh-in for this little challenge. I paid 100 dollars, and if I lose 10% of my body weight in six months, I get 200 back. I'm teetering at a BMI of 30 right this very minute. If I weigh 181 tomorrow, I'm also doing the BMI challenge on the same website. If you're over 30, you pay 300 dollars to enter, and if you're under 25 in a year, you get 1000 bucks. On the one hand, it would be great to be eligible for that, but on the other hand, it's a pretty crappy mindset to wish you were heavier.

I do I feel like I've lost my mojo lately -- mostly due to the exhaustion, but also because I kind of get close to a goal and just lose interest or panic and change direction. So tomorrow's official "doctor scale weigh-in" starts the next chapter. I've been told that the beginning of the cleanse, I'll probably feel crappy, so I'm giving myself a free pass on a few things, like logging/tracking food and fretting about exercise. My logic with the food is that if you can only eat steamed or raw vegetables, how much trouble are you going to get into? And if I'm not eating protein or carbs, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to feel like training for a marathon or anything.

So, let's get this show on the road. I'm ready to start feeling better.

I'm still here

A couple of things have kind of stalled me out. And truthfully, none of them should have done that. I've lost a little motivation. Let's discuss:

1. Somewhere between the thyroid diagnosis and now, I've gotten into a fatigue situation that can only be described as all-out exhaustion. There has been at least another medication change that could have contributed to this, too. But really, I'm tired all day every day. When I don't have to work (ie, weekends), I can sleep for 15-17 hours a day. It's wasteful, I don't feel any better having slept that much, and it's frustrating. Additionally, I have this brain fog situation where I can't retain a lot of information. I can remember the important doctor's appointment, but not the conference call an hour later.

2. I started seeing a new set of doctors. The regular MD said she was out of options for why I'm so tired. The thyroid is now within range, so there's no reason for it. She kind of threw up her hands and suggested psychiatry. I'd be all for that, except that my only symptom is that I'm tired. I don't have pain, depression, or any other symptoms. So I'm seeing this people who do alternative and regular medicine (chiropractic, acupuncture, there's an MD, etc.) We're still in the testing, evaluating phase, but apparently there are some big dietary changes looming. This site is pretty close to what I think will be coming down the pike. http://www.thecandidadiet.com/

Since that's on the immediate horizon (next couple of weeks), I know I'm going to be pretty severely restricted. I'm not going out and eating deep fried garbage, but I'm also not trying to be on a raw food diet or anything right now. That's pretty close to what I'll be on in a few weeks!

3. I'm going away for a few days in a few days, thanks to the generosity of a dear friend of mine (Hi C!) She's watching what she eats, and I'm not going to go crazy or anything, but I'm also feeling like I'm probably not going to be eating as clean as I'd like to be, or as I will be in a couple weeks.

4. Random distractions helping other people with stuff. Nothing crazy, and certainly nothing I couldn't have been fitting healthy eating and working out into, but distractions nonetheless.

I haven't had any significant gains (I still keep bouncing up and down the 170s. I was 176 this morning and 179 on the doctor's scale), so that's good. I've been eating a TON of vegetables, mostly from the farm.

Basically where we're at is this: I'll come back from my jaunt down the shore next week and start getting back into the gym. Start cleaning up the food after my last test (I'm supposed to keep eating however it is I eat before this one.) Then follow whatever eating plan they suggest. There won't be any starchy stuff, alcohol or sugar for a while, so I'm sure we'll see SOMETHING happen! That will at least serve as a nice reboot.

This place also does nutritional and weight loss stuff. So we'll see what kind of magic we can make happen by the end of the year.

Just saying hi!

I'm definitely still here. The last two weeks have been a little frantic with work and related issues. The activity level slowed way down (Fitbit says my average daily steps are 8700 -- not my best work). I've been mostly watching the food, but again, not as super-diligent as I should be.

Today I got on the scale and it said 170. That puts me SO close to being in the 160s (a goal I wanted to reach before I hit the beach in September for a few days with my dear friend -- hi C!)

So that's today's motivation not to stuff my face full of unhealthy crap. The other motivation is that the food from the farm seems to be multiplying. I had to eat almost a whole cantaloupe for breakfast (there's another half in the fridge and a whole watermelon, too!)

So today's goal is to eat well, focus on getting lots of fluids and hopefully seeing something awesome soon.

Just sayin'

Stagnant

Okay, so first the good stuff. I finally surpassed Louann  (and almost everyone) on Fitbit. My average number of steps for the past week has been 17,500. Nice! I'm in 4th place on the leaderboards, and now I'm thinking how nice it would be to have one week where I'm in the lead. I would have to beat out the guy who averages 26,000 a day. (He's a cyclist, and I'm inclined to believe those aren't "steps," as much as they're pedal revolutions.) The #2 spot is occupied by a woman who gets in 22k a day. So it's possible.

The weight loss is stalled though. And this isn't just some "plateau" I've reached because my body's adjusting to the level of exercise I am doing. This is me "eating back my calories" after burning off quite a few. It needs to be changed. I burn about 3000 calories a day (including my BMR). There's no reason I shouldn't have a 1000 calorie deficit each day.

I've been experiencing a lot of fatigue and brain fog lately (I'm assuming related to the thyroid stuff.) It's really hard at the beginning of the day (getting out of bed, getting going, etc). Hopefully, I'll be able to get some of that straightened out with the doctor, because it really is a struggle to do most stuff. I keep up with the steps and such, because I'm afraid of falling into a huge rut. But I feel like 90% of what I call "motivation" is really just caffeine.

Okay...so I'm going to forget about trying to set a weight loss goal for the immediate future. What I'm going to focus on right now is getting the 20,000 steps a day for 7 straight days. Hopefully if I can stop having a ginormous bowl of cereal before I go to bed, I can get the calories under control, too.

Waist size? New goal.

I just read a CNN article that says that waist size is a big predictor of diabetes. Basically, anything 35" and above for a woman spells trouble. I just measured mine, in the usual place--across the belly button--and came up with 38, but according to this article, you should be measuring the narrowest part, or if you don't have a "natural waistline," where your elbows are. I had kind of suspected I should be using the "narrowest" part, but for me that falls kind of high, and I thought it might be cheating. Not so, apparently. My "natural waist" is 36.

So, my new goal--in addition to getting into the 160s this month--is to get my waist under 35". I don't know how long that takes, so I'll say it's a summer goal.

Still keeping up

Wednesday night I said I'd run a mile nonstop, and I did. I was winded and I was only running at 4.6 miles an hour, but I set out to run a mile and I did. Hooray for accomplishing stuff.

Also, last month I set out to beat a woman named LouAnn at fitbit.com. I just checked, and by an average of a mere 46 steps a day, I'm beating her. Trouble is, when I set that goal, she was averaging 15k steps a day. She's currently in 11th place, just below me, with 10,953 steps a day. So, I'm beating her, but she's also not the fierce competition she was a month ago. Right now I'm in 10th place, so my goal for the week is to be in 7th.

Is this thing on?

Okay...there's less than a month until the big four-oh. Yippeee! At one point I was down 22 pounds, but somehow (I'm talking to you, beerwinesushicake!) I am currently only down 17 pounds. I'm back on track now. The past two days have been pretty good, and I am back to logging my food and making sure I exceed 10k steps. Tonight Bup and I are hitting the gym, and I am going to attempt to run a mile nonstop in addition to the 10k steps and the upper body workout. (I ran a little during a 5k the weekend before last, and even though it was hot out, I held in there longer than I thought I could.)

Okay, so right now, 177 lbs. Goal for June 24, to be in the 160s. No more silliness.

Another thing

On Fitbit.com, you can add friends and compete against them. When I first started, I was number 1 in my group. Then I started adding more and more challenging people. Then I stopped really challenging myself. So now I'm in 20th place. I'm pretty sure I'm never going to beat ericks37 who has an average of 33,000 steps a day (what the eff? Is he a professional runner??), but I can at least do better than the 65 year old women who are currently schooling me.

Right now my average is 10,000 steps (in past weeks it was around 8-9k). There's a woman named Louann who is currently in 9th place with an average of 15,021 steps per day. I'm going to make it my mission to beat out Louann in the next week. (I have no idea who Louann is. I'm sure she's a perfectly nice lady. I just want to beat her.)

I'm back!

I did a lower body strength workout Tuesday and I did arms/shoulders today. I went over my 15k steps Tuesday and yesterday, but fell short by 4k on Wednesday. I think I'll have a chance to average it out before the week is out. 

I worked from home today and I decided to create a stand-up workstation. I put a chair on my kitchen table, then my laptop on that. Then I decided to put the trampoline in front of that. There's a whole study about how if you sit for long periods of time, you're going to die a horrible, untimely death. Who wants that? Here's one story about it. 

So now when I'm reading some lengthy boring piece of something, or thinking of the thing I'm trying to type next, I can bounce lightly or kind of march in place. It's nice. I had the boyfriend (Bup) take a picture of it. It's quite silly, but if it keeps me moving and from sitting, hooray! 

Also, I've kept up with the food logging. So, so far I'm keeping up my end of the bargain. The scale, however, is being a total bitch. 

Ummmm......

Yeah, checking in once a month wasn't REALLY how I intended to be doing this.

I've sort of strayed from all of my goals. Logging food? Mostly. But I've missed a little bit here and there (usually when it's something so atrocious I don't want to admit it to myself!)

Exercise? My average of like 18k steps a day has dwindled to about half that. I think I went to the gym twice (although, in  my favor, I have developed a pretty nice arm workout at home).

Breakfast? Preparing meals in advance? Eeeek, not so much. When I work from home, I usually get a smoothie or a hot breakfast, but when I go into the office, I'm usually rushing around and then I just get lunch at 11:30.

Weight? Well, it should come as no surprise that today's scale read +3 lbs over last month. 176. I have a feeling that some of that weight will be gone in the next few days. We've got a few hormonal and digestive issues going on here that should resolve shortly.

So here we are, new month, and about 7 weeks away from the big 4-0. So let's renew our our commitment, shall we?

1. Breakfast every day. No excuses.
2. Log everything. No excuses.
3. 15,000 steps minimum. You get the idea.
4. Check in here at least 2x a week. Weight included.
5. Strength training 3x a week. (Actually, I can log it here when I check in...how convenient.)

I'm not upset with myself, or feeling all crappy. Overall, I still look and feel good. I'm down a total of 18 pounds, and that's a great accomplishment. But it's time to get the scale moving in the right direction again!

Monthly check-in

So this month was really slow-going. Part of that is that I lost a little steam. After I got my back straightened out again, it's been hard to get back into the gym. Also having the trampoline means I can watch whatever I want while working out. I just need to step up the workouts some. And I need to watch the eating. Having one or two meals that are a little more "out there" a week is fine. But I can't let it turn into a whole day, or several days.

I have set a challenge for myself for April. I'd like to lose 10 pounds. That's a little aggressive, and would be even more weight than I lost the first month. But I'd like to give it a go.

Yesterday I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. At first I thought this came on suddenly, but going back through my previous labs from a year and a half ago, it turns out I had it then, too. Not sure why the doc didn't make a big deal about it. It explains a lot. Weight gain, being exhausted all the time. So I started Synthroid today and we'll retest in 6 weeks. Hopefully, this will make the journey a little easier. I also was told I have a vitamin D deficiency. Both of these things can cause depression, which is interesting. I've always said that for me, depression is more like exhaustion. I don't actually have feelings of sadness, I just feel like doing things takes a lot of effort. Between the Synthroid and the vitamin D supplements, it would be nice to see a change in the energy levels.

So, now I weigh 173. Which means I lost 5 pounds in March. Which, hey...it's weight lost, right?

Long time!

I kept putting off posting until I had something to report. The entire month was spent gaining and losing the same 6 pounds. It's infuriating! Currently I'm down 4 for the month, and have been for two consecutive days, but the scale is a cruel mistress. For reals.

I haven't eaten perfectly, but I've logged every single thing I've eaten, and when I've eaten more, I've exercised more to compensate. But the hip kept me from trying to run again, and the back/neck thing kept me from trying to lift any weights (except for the 5-pounders I have at home). I had two decent adjustments at the chiropractor, so I've been easing my way back into the gym routine. And by easing, I mean, I've been twice all month! Once last week and once today.

Besides general walking around, making a more concerted effort to get up frequently from my desk at work, and taking the stairs, I got a trampoline. At first I got a cheap model from Walmart, but then I took it back when  friend generously lent me the use of hers...a much nicer model. Pretty much anytime I want to watch trashy television shows, I just bounce around on that thing. It helps me get all my steps in at home, no matter what the weather and it's pretty low impact, so no hip problems or shin splints or anything. I pretty much just bounce, do jumping jacks, throw punches, twisty type things, jog in place--whatever I feel like doing. It came with actual workout routines, which I may or may not attempt. We'll see!

Also, I got a Kinect for the X-box, and that allowed me to get this game. It's pretty awesome. It's got yoga, different kinds of dance, strength training, and different activities. You can set goals and work toward them, and it gives you pointers for your form or if you're not doing a move properly. I love it.

So even though I've been to the gym less, I haven't exactly been slacking off. Unfortunately, the scale just doesn't care. I think part of it is that I do have to watch what I eat more carefully. One fattening, high sodium meal sets me back a week. It's not fair, but it's just what happens. So I have to stick with the plan. Portion control, make as much of my own food as possible and eat every 4 hours. Another part is probably that I traded a workout routine that included some pretty intense strength training for one that's very heavy on the cardio. Cardio just takes a lot longer to see good results.

I think that's about it. There's another week left in the month, so there could still be a little progress, but even if I end up with 4 pounds, it's 4 in the right direction.

Oh, what's that?

Oh, what do you know? I seem to have walked 26.2 miles yesterday. Or, to be more accurate, I half-walked, half-hiked it. I also ran some intervals for a little while. Yeah, that's a marathon. Yes, it took forever. (Actually, I stumbled across a really good sale partway through, so I had to slow down for a bit and acquire cheap stuff!)

By the end, my ankles were killing me and I was very, very tired. But overall, it was pretty great. The best part about walking 26.2 miles? Burning nearly 5000 calories. Being able to eat almost 3000 calories and STILL having a 2000 calorie deficit! (That's pretty much my new rule. You walk/hike 26.2 miles in a day, and you get to eat whatever you want.)

It really did help me readjust my feelings about food some. Sure, 1600 calories is a worthwhile goal to shoot for most of the time, but if I'm spending more and more time being more and more active, then yeah, I get to eat more food. I just need to always track both food and activity to keep it all in check.

Also, at some point during the walk, I think I hallucinated a car in the middle of the woods. And a little later I began thinking how much easier the walk would be if I had a pterodactyl to fly me around the park. But all in all, a totally worthwhile experience. I'm thinking I need at least one crazy challenge like this each month. I'm thinking next time I might go for like 300 flights of stairs (hiking, not actual stairs), or something crazy.

Monthly weigh-in

All right, so I lost 9 pounds in January, and suspected February would be less impressive. I was right, but it was still pretty good. I lost 7, so I'm 178. That's down 16 lbs for the year.

I know that sounds decent, and any loss should be awesome, but I saw 178 on the scale like, three times and then it would bounce back up to 180 and take days to come back off.

Anyway.....

178


Yay!

I've got friends in high places

I think I mentioned in the post about walking, pedometers and 10,000 steps that 12,500 is considered "very active," according to some "they" out there (I linked to a medical journal article, so that's who "they" are. I'm just too lazy to look).

So, with the fitbit, there's a whole "community" section, with message boards and people making "friends." You can compete with them on your personal page; it displays a leaderboard to show you how you're stacking up with the people you've "friended." So after having the thing for a month, I decided to give it a go. I added a few people who were new and seeking friends. No matter how many people I added, though, I still was #1 on my leaderboard.

I decided I needed a little competition, so I made a special request in the forums for "very active" people. People who get at least 10k steps a day. And the friend requests started to trickle in. At first it was still people who weren't beating me on the leaderboards, and then the heavy hitters started to show up. Some of these people AVERAGE 20k a day (10 miles!!!) Two of them AVERAGE 25-30k per day. Ummmm......

Wow. And what's more, some of these people are older than me. By more than just a little. So last night that got me on the trampoline--oh! I forgot to mention I got a mini trampoline and it's awesome. I can now jump around like a rabid hyena for hours while watching trashy television and not feel too guilty! Okay, where was I? Yes, that got me on the trampoline and putting in more than just my usual 12.5k steps. Last night I cleared 20k, and tonight, I cranked out a total of 25k for the day. Which is beyond awesome.

So, I'd like to thank all the awesomely fit strangers who are now my friends and competitors on fitbit. I'd also like to acknowledge that the fitbit has tapped into some kind of OCD, and made it so I'm constantly thinking about how I can fit (hehe) more walking (or leaping majestically, like a unicorn on my trampoline!) into my life.

Hooray for OCD! Hooray for psychotically athletic old people!

Helicopter!

Oh, I forgot this one:

Achievements!

I think I mentioned before that Fitbit gives you badges for different achievements. Previously, my best ones were 50 flights of stairs and 20,000 steps.

So, yesterday I'm out walking. My favorite local parks is hilly and has a ton of trails. The longest trail takes more than 2 hours, but you can stay in there forever, by looping around, or picking up new trails. When I first started out, I got to around 4000 steps, and was like, "This sucks. I don't feel so great. I want to go home!" I think I ate breakfast too late and just felt weak and crappy. I noticed that I had also done the equivalent of 11 flights of stairs. 

I figured if I got to 10k steps, I'd leave. By the time I got to 10k, I felt better, and kept going. When I got closer to 20k, I was ready to cash it in, but then I noticed that I had logged 77 flights of stairs. So of course I had to keep going until 100. When I had 100 flights, I also had 25k steps. Woo hoo! Click below to see my fabulous badges!

Injuries and willpower

I did something to my neck while lifting weights yesterday. I aggravated an old injury and gave myself a painful reminder that more is not always better. When I first hurt my back/neck in 2005, I was out of commission for months. I couldn't drive, couldn't work, and it was a really terrible time in my life. I was being considered for spinal surgery. Even my chiropractor thought that's where it was headed, and chiropractors don't like to tell you to consider surgery. By the time I recovered, I was 216 pounds. I ended up losing almost 50 of it pretty quickly, but in the last few years, it's been creeping back up to the 194 I found myself at in January.

I got to the chiropractor today--it really couldn't wait; the pain was crazy--and hopefully I'll be feeling better tomorrow, but it was eye opening. I really want to get to this awesome place, where I'm in great shape and I can run a race if I want and climb a thing and do cool stuff. But given that I've seriously injured myself once before, and so far this month caused myself a few more less-serious injuries, it's time to reassess what's really important. I actually got panicky today, thinking about the pain and running through a whole bunch of "What ifs."

Basically, what I've come up with, is that, I think I need to tone down the strength training (less weight, not less often). And then I'll just make up the different with more walking. If I injure myself with more walking, I'm giving up and getting a Hoveround. (I'm not sure where that picture is from, but anytime unicorns and rainbows are involved is a good time.)

Being less sedentary

Fitbit gives you lovely pie charts (mmmm, pie!) that describe how much of your day was spent being sedentary and how much was spent being active. I think this is one of the more useful metrics that fitbit provides. Someone on one of the message boards said they like to keep their chart at less than half sedentary. I think this is an awesome goal. I don't think it's so unrealistic to say that for half of my waking hours, I should be doing something other than sitting.

I do have my days (last Thursday and Friday!) where I am sedentary for more than half of my waking hours. But most of my weekdays look like this:

And I try to have my weekend days look a little more like this: 

To be fair, if you count up the hours on the weekend one, you'll see that I was only awake for like 12 hours. That's because I slept a ton! But when I was awake, I was mostly doing stuff. Hooray for doing stuff! Yesterday (which is where that chart's from) had a lot of walking in it and a trip to the gym for an upper body workout. Today had hiking and later will have bowling. Tomorrow will have the gym, walking and a trip to the driving range. So hopefully that will go a long way toward keeping the gray out of that pie!

The science is working - 179

So, for the past 12 days or so, I've been sort of yo-yo-ing. I got down to 179 (yes!) and then back up to 180, then 181, then back down to 180 and finally today back to 179! It is a little disturbing though, when you see you're putting in the work and it's not always reflected in the scale.

Stepgeek

Today when I picked my fitbit up off the table, it called me a "stepgeek." Ha! I thought that was cute.

Also, yesterday's report informs me that I climbed 40 floors, which is equal to the World's Tallest Sequoia. Ha! I'm going to try for 50 today.

Whoops!

I stayed away for longer than I intended! Usually that's what I do when I'm falling off the wagon, but that's not the case. I've been steadily going to the gym, walking and eating right (with an exception here and there).

I got a fitbit, and that's really helping a lot. Previously I had been logging all my working out/walking and eating in a paper journal. This worked great for me, being able to see everything in one place, but the fitbit keeps track of most of the fitness stuff, and it's very easy to log food. (My biggest concern was that it was going to take a while, but it keeps track of food you eat regularly, and it's easy to just pick that thing out of that list.)

I mentioned last time that I started back with the running. That was actually the last time I ran, because that hip thing still hasn't resolved. No fun. I actually stopped doing leg workouts, too (although, I might resume these soon), because I'm thinking I overdid it with them, and the the running just made something worse.

So for now, the modified plan is to use the fitbit to log the walking. Anything over 12,500 gives me a free pass on the cardio for the day, and I'll alternate days at the gym, doing arms and legs. Hopefully soon, I'll be able to fold the running back into the mix. Also, the fitbit tracks flights of stairs, so I was up to 35 flights yesterday. Technically, I was tricked...I thought I would get a new badge for 35 flights, and as it turns out, I did not.

I'm hoping to take a super-extended walk this weekend (10 miles) to kind of push myself some, but that may or may not happen.

Oh! I almost forgot...down another 4 pounds for a total of 13. So that's 181. That's pretty exciting. I had actually seen the scale dip down to 178 before Super Bowl Sunday and the cake debacle! (I had two pieces of cake, and about a quarter pound of cheese. Scandalous!)

Monthly check-in

It's been a month since I embarked on this journey, and as of this morning, I am down 9 pounds. I didn't think to do a waist measurement, and after dinner, popcorn and 3 glasses of water, I'm not so sure I'd post an impressive number!

9 pounds is good, and it would be fine if I lost 9 pounds every month. But we know that it doesn't work that way. Usually you start out strong, and your body starts adapting, conserving more calories and making it harder to burn them. 

This is part of the reason I take in 1600 calories a day. I know I could go lower. I think I've read that it's safe to go as low as 1200 a day. But if anything has to give, I'd like it to be the exercise. Basically, I'd rather do more exercise to burn more calories, than to eat less, but have less energy for more exercise. I know that at 1200 a day, I'm not going to be able to work out at the intensity that I want to, and as far as I'm concerned, I'd rather put my focus into building a body that's a fuel burning machine. And if, as expected, I plateau, I'd rather have some leeway to lower the calories down the road. Whereas, if I start at 1200, there's nowhere else to go, except to start starving myself (which I can assure you, ain't happening anytime soon). 

Oh! Today I started back on the couch-to-5k program. Week 1, day 1! This was infinitely easier than the first time I started this program, which was around September of 2010. When I started it back then, I thought I was going to die. I also wasn't doing much in the way of exercise at all at the time. I think I made it through like 3 of the intervals and then walked the rest of the way. I eventually "finished" the program in February of 2011, and ran/walked a 5k. (I had forgotten until 2 weeks before the race that I neglected to take a few things into account. One was the fact that I had done the last 2/3 of the program indoors on a treadmill, and the other was that it was much colder than I had ever run in by the time race day rolled around. So, even though I would have liked to have run the whole thing, I walked a good part of it, and my time was something like 42 minutes.)

Today's set of intervals was great, until about the 5th one, when I began feeling a twinge in my hip. By the last interval, it was feeling really bad. When I got home, I took some Advil and bumped up the glucosamine (yeah, I'm getting old!) I'm hoping it's something temporary, otherwise I'll shelve the running for another time. Ideally, I'd like to be able to run this entire race in May. I mean, come on, running, dogs and wine. What could be better?

The end of overeating?

In addition to cooking healthy food, working out, and blogging about it all, I've also been reading a great book--The End of Overeating. It's by a guy who used to work for the FDA, had his own struggles with food, and reviewed a ton of research and conducted a ton of interviews with science-y folks, food makers and people who struggle with overeating. It's an interesting book that really talks about why for some of us, it's not a question of "willpower," but of overcoming decades of being conditioned a certain way. 

It's a great book because it explains why, but doesn't let people off the hook. There's work to be done, but it's important for us to understand what triggers the compulsive eating. I'm sure I'll have more to say once I've finished the book, but as of right now, I kind of think everyone should be reading this book. 

Food porn

I started a mint.com account, and I've been shamed with my spending habits. My worst spending habit is at the grocery store. I spend more at the grocery store than some really large families. It's a weakness, and I'm working on it. 

The main reason I've been spending so much at the store has been because lately I've been making almost all of my meals at home. I used to eat at the cafeteria at work almost every day, and eat out or eat some kind of frozen meal the rest of the time. This month I haven't been to the cafeteria once. Nice! But the grocery bill is still pretty shameful. I'm going to make it a goal for February to come up with more budget-friendly meals to make ahead. 

Odds and ends

I've been meaning to link to this young lady's tumblr for a while. She seems like a super smart woman who lost a good amount of weight and promotes all kinds of good stuff--like healthy body image--and she does a good job of explaining why strength training is good for women and good for weight loss. This person also breaks it down quite nicely. It's a review for a BodyBugg, which I do not own, nor endorse (although it does seem kind of neat!)

Speaking too soon

I was happy last time about breaking through the plateau, but then overnight I gained back two pounds and there the scale stayed for the past 3 days. I know there are all sorts of variables--water weight, muscle gain, etc. And I know some people would advise not to weigh every day. I personally am a fan of doing it, and apparently weighing in "at least once a week" is one of the things successful losers do. 

In the past few days I've been really trying hard to drink enough water (at least 64 oz. per day). For the past two days, I've had fruit for breakfast. I don't know if that had anything to do with it, but today the scale was back down to 185 (9 pounds lost). Even if that's all I did for the entire month, that's still pretty good. I feel like I have a few more pounds that could come off, but time will tell. I would have liked to have lost 15, since the first month is usually the easiest, but this is fine, too. 

I think it's important to use the scale as the tool it's meant to be, but not to get too hung up on the number. I'm wearing pants I haven't worn in months, so that's a good sign. A coworker said I looked like I was slimming down, so that's nice, too. 

Progress

It snowed this weekend, and everything is kind of iced up, so I did most of my working out in the gym. I didn't hit the 20k steps I wanted to get for each weekend day, but I did get 13k and a really good upper body workout Saturday and lower on Sunday. Actually, I may have had too good an upper body workout, because my back is kind of killing me. I had a really bad back injury years ago that I'm still seeing a chiropractor for now. I have to kind of temper the whole "give it all you got" mentality with some common sense about what I can actually handle.

That said, I seem to have broken through the plateau (or, rather, the losing and gaining the same 4 pounds and not actually continuing to lose), because yesterday morning I weighed myself and was 185. I haven't seen that number in a while, and it's really good to be making progress. I originally had a goal of being out of the 180s by February, but I'm not sure 6 pounds is realistic, considering there's only a week and a half left. If it happens on its own, I'll be pleasantly surprised, but I'm not changing anything. I'm still eating 1600 calories per day and still working out the same as always.

I cooked more today. Just 3 servings of whole wheat pasta, low-fat ricotta with egg yolks (I fried the whites and ate them as a post-workout snack), 5 chopped sauteed zucchinis, a package of mushrooms, sauteed and 5 chopped lowfat string cheeses (they were cheaper than buying actual mozzarella). I just put it together in a 9x12 baking dish and baked it for 40 minutes. It's not amazing, but it made 6 servings (320 calories each) and it's already packaged up and ready to take to work.

So far this month I have not eaten anything for lunch other than food I've made at home. No visits to the cafeteria, no frozen meals, just homemade food.

"I can't"

There was a woman at the gym last night working with a personal trainer. I got the impression that the trainer was new for her. She was on the heavy side and didn't seem very confident. I can totally relate. It took me months of using the ellipticals and treadmills in the movie theater section of the gym before I was ready to go out on the floor where the general population works out.

It's intimidating. There are lots of really fit, healthy people lifting weights and using the machines. One of the biggest problems is that there are, what I call "bro clusters" or "honey bunches of bros." These guys--typically in their early 20s--like to work out in packs--there are usually three in a cluster. One works out on a machine, and the other two lean on the machine and watch. It's kind of disturbing, and it makes the whole atmosphere feel very high school-ish. 

So, this girl's working out, and her trainer shows her a move he wants her to do. Using one of the cable machines, he wants her to do this exercise. I'll be honest--I wouldn't even do this one, and I'm fairly comfortable using most of the machines there now. He demonstrates the entire thing, and tells her to try it. And she says, "I can't." 

Now, I don't know all of the details surrounding why she thought she couldn't, but I do know a few things. One is that, if you ever really believed you "can't" do something at the gym, the time for that is before you pay a personal trainer to publicly train you in a gym. Also, if you have any limitations (say you're missing a leg, or have a bad back, or asthma, or whatever), you should make your trainer aware of this (you probably had to disclose this before starting the sessions or joining the gym anyway) so they can work around your limitations.

I'd be willing to guess this woman was feeling self-conscious. It's easy to think everyone's staring at you. The thing is, nothing calls more attention to you than wussing out during a workout with your trainer. By the time you got to the gym, you've already realized you need help in the fitness/weight loss department, joined a gym, and made an appointment with an intimidatingly large guy to help you conquer this problem once and for all. Once you've taken those brave steps and walked through the door for your training appointment, there should be nothing on your mind (not other people, not how your clothes fit---nothing) except focusing all of your attention on what the trainer is asking you to do, and doing it. 

Also, someone might look, sure. I obviously did, but I look at lots of people. I don't stare, but if I see someone working on a machine I want to try, I'll take a look to see how it's done before trying it myself. The truth is, most people are far too concerned with their own workout to worry about what someone else is doing. 

I assume the trainer told her she was going to do it (duh--what kind of trainer would hear "I can't" and just say, "Oh, sure, no problem. Let's go get a snack and watch TV!"), because sure enough, she was on the floor, doing the exercise. 

Unfortunately, I've seen people getting trained at several gyms, and this happens ALL THE TIME. A woman is working with a trainer and when something is too hard (either physically, or for other reasons, like self-consciousness), they say those two words. It's just kind of weird to see someone who's clearly made a decision to get in better shape be so resistant to the help they're paying for. I guess it's important to put it in perspective. Sure, the work is hard, but anyone who's lived as an out-of-shape person should know bigger hardships than an awkward 5 minute exercise at the gym. 

Setbacks and motivation

So this weekend there were a lot of distractions. Family in town, a funeral, things I wasn't really prepared for (from a keeping healthy perspective). There was an abundance of food that wasn't good for me. Pasta in all kinds of sauces, cakes, cookies, salads covered in oil.

Earlier in the weekend, I had a glimmer of clarity where I thought, "Self, you should pack some food to bring with you." But I didn't really plan ahead well enough, and I didn't want to be "that" person. At least not during a time like that.

So for two straight days, I ate crap. And on Monday, we went to a restaurant (we had a Groupon for it), for which I had memorized the menu and made a great choice (grilled salmon over a salad). When we got there, the menu had changed entirely to bar food and BBQ. I don't eat meat, just seafood, so the only two options were fish and chips and a fried shrimp platter. I made what I consider the best choice on the menu: the fried shrimp platter, with a side of corn and a side salad. Even still, when I asked my boyfriend to guess how many calories he thought were in the shrimp, he said, "Probably a thousand."

During all this time, I didn't skip the gym, and I walked a minimum of 13,000 steps per day, and for the past two days, I've had 8 and 10 cups of water, but today the scale says 191. That's still down a total of 3 for the month, but it's also up 4 from where I was at. And this is usually the point where I give up.

I have to face that I have a very unforgiving metabolism. One weekend can set everything back, by a lot. So, I'm going to continue back on the path I was on and chalk it up to a learning experience. I'm going to aim for being back to 187 by next Monday. I know that sounds like a lot, but I have a feeling that some of this weight is temporary, due to eating a lot of sodium and garbage that will be flushed out with a few days of eating right.

Quiche and calzones

As I mentioned in the previous post, I made two things tonight. I just really like being able to grab something and take it with me to work. And so far this year, with very few exceptions, that "something" has been something I made myself. This hasn't always been the case. I used to rely on frozen meals (Smart Ones, Lean Cuisines, you get the picture), but frankly, even when they're cheap, they're expensive; they're not really healthy; and you don't get very much.

Personally, when I eat, I like to eat something substantial. A large portion of something. I know you can't have a large portion of pasta if you're watching the calories, so I tend to go nuts with vegetables and fill in the blanks with protein (cheese, eggs, tofu), sauces and seasonings.

For future reference

Dear future self,

Today was full of excuses. It was one of the coldest days it's been so far (33 degrees/22 with the wind chill factor). You had female "stuff" going on and felt kind of meh. There was some bad news, and lots of family is arriving unexpectedly this weekend. You had every reason in the world to stay home, watch some TV and just relax. 

And yet, you didn't. You got dressed in many layers. You put on your sneakers. You ran an errand (stupid post office!) You got a cup of coffee. And you went to the park. And you walked. At first you were like, "Dude, it's cold out here. Just walk a couple miles and cash it in. You can do some more at the gym." But after a while you opened the handwarmers you bought at CVS and just kept walking. Your face was cold and after a while you couldn't feel your butt anymore, but you kept walking. Soon you got to over 7 miles. And you kept walking. Finally at 10 miles, you stopped. After all, you promised yourself you'd go to the gym and work your arms. 

At the gym you worked out hard, lifting more weight than you have so far. You pushed yourself harder than you thought you could. 

And then you came home. You needed to go shopping for something to make for dinner. You strapped on your backpack and you walked some more. First, a mile back to CVS to get more of those handwarmers. That's an awesome way to get rid of the "it's too cold!" excuse. Then a half a mile back to Acme for food. And a half mile back home, carrying 20 pounds of groceries. All told, including miscellaneous walking around the house and stores, you walked 26,976 steps today. Or nearly 13 and a half miles. Plus the gym. 

Then you came home and cooked 8 servings of breakfast and 8 servings of lunch/dinner and scrubbed the bathtub. 

Basically, self, you rocked it the eff out. And you didn't let excuses get in the way. Remember this next time it's too cold/hot/rainy, or you're too tired/sore/depressed/stressed out. 

Love, 

Yourself

PS, since you did such an excellent job of everything else, we'll try to forgive the fact that the Christmas tree is still up and you're still wearing yesterday's clothes. 

Baby steps. 

27,976 of them. 

Today

I didn't do what I set out to do today, which was 10,000 steps and an arm workout. I did more than 11,500 steps, which is great, but at the gym, I felt kind of weak while on the treadmill. I could have pushed through it and done the arm workout, but I probably would have just phoned it in.

I think part of it was that I had a small meal at work before I left, but came home for a while before heading back out to the gym. I think I was just a tad too hungry to really do a good job of it. I'll eat right and hydrate properly and give the arms a proper workout tomorrow.

Photos

These are from today. I didn't get the best shots in the gym locker room. I was kind of terrified someone would walk in and see me taking pictures, so they're not the best. I took the one at home to kind of clarify.

Oh, another thing

It's not like I'm married to the scale, or I cry or lose my mind when it doesn't show me something I want to see. It's just an objective way of measuring my progress. My belt is another (down a notch, thank you very much).

At the gym, I try to lift more than I could the last time, or walk at a faster pace/steeper incline than I could before. And those are other (probably more important) measures. But until scientists start using these things as barometers for how healthy we are, I'll use the scale.

Progress

The scale had not been kind of me for the past few days. I gained back a pound and it refused to leave for 2 days. Today I got on, and I'm down another pound (including the pesky gained one). So, from 194 on Jan 2, I'm down to 187.

The best part about this is that I'm not starving. I'm not even really hungry. I eat all the time. I just write every single thing down. I have to start posting what I eat.

And I exercise every day. Nothing too crazy...just spend a part of every day moving.

I haven't been so great about the water. Around 5 cups a day. Something to keep working on.

A little change

I had started a blog on Prevention (where I had a blog when I reviewed their diet book a few years ago) last week. After about a week, I realize that it's not the best place for me. So I created this blog here (it's so much fancier here!) and I copied over my entries from the past week. So, if you just got here, don't worry, so did I! Welcome.

Basically, I just want to use this as a place to track my progress, hold myself accountable and hear from others who are on similar journeys. I'm thinking I'll post recipes, progress pictures (I need to take one soon!) and share anything I learn as I make my way toward a fitter, healthier me.

Yes!

The scale was very good to me today. 188. Down 6 pounds for the year. I had a goal of being down 5 pounds, so this is a welcome surprise.

I did some math last night and figured out that officially, I averaged 12,500 steps per day last week (on paper, since the pedometer didn't do its job this weekend). That's an extra 2500 steps per day, and it also (according to the 10k steps article) puts me in the "highly active" category. Fancy.

 I also planned to have 4 strength training days (2 arms and 2 legs) and I have 5 (an extra arm workout). So yay!

 For the coming week, I'd like to try to drink 8 glasses of water per day. So far I've been averaging about 4-5.

Vegetarian chili

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. I made two things tonight. One was a reasonably caloried french toast casserole.  That's in the fridge and will be baking tomorrow morning. Yum!

The other was a sort of improvised vegetarian chili. I wanted something I could freeze and take to work during the week. This clocks in at 250 calories, including the cheese. It's basically canned tomatoes, tofu, cumin, chili powder, salt, pepper, green peppers, red peppers, onions, zucchini and one can each of chick peas and kidney beans. I used the small cans of beans. I wanted this to be more about vegetables (fewer calories) and less about the beans. It's actually delicious. It came to 189 calories before the cheese, so I added half an ounce of low-fat cheddar, and it's actually 234 calories, but we'll call it 250 just to be safe.
I froze this and another low-cal breakfast casserole in individual portions. I'll do the same with the french toast bake. It's nice to have a freezer full of ready-to-go stuff that's healthy. I usually use Smart Ones or Lean Cuisines to help me with portion control, but I like making my own good and knowing what's in it.

Healthy day

I decided to go for a long walk today. I was hoping to get in like, 12,000 steps at the park. This usually takes just around 2 hours. I wanted to try to get 20k for the day. I've been able to do this before, so I strapped on the pedometer (5 bucks, CVS, right next to the "diet aids) and off I went. I'm walking, and I periodically check the pedometer. After an hour, it's somewhere around 3000 steps. That's not right. After two hours, I'm somewhere around 6,000. Definitely not right. I walk for a total of 2 hours and 45 minutes and I could not even get to 10,000 steps.

When I got home, I got my shopping list, strapped on a backpack, and headed out for another walk. After about an hour and a half, I'm at 13,000 steps. I stopped in at CVS, got a new pedometer, wore both of them for the next half hour. I check both pedometers. The new one has about 3000 steps. The old one...somewhere around 1100.

 Grrrrrr......

 So right now, I'm officially clocked in at 17,000 steps (or 8.5 miles), but I'm sure after nearly 5 hours of walking, it should be closer to 28,000. Bah.

I'll count that as being a great offset to last night's little debacle. The boyfriend and I wanted a smoothie from a place near New Brunswick. Once we got most of the way there, he announces that he wants a sandwich from the Rutgers grease trucks. (If you live in NJ, you might know about these, if not...look at this link at your own peril.)

I estimate this sandwich at about 1000 gloriously empty calories. And that's all I'll say about that.  I'll donate the missing 11,000 steps to helping offset that mishap!

Despite this insane sandwich, I weighed 3 pounds less today than yesterday.  So, from yesterday's 192, we're at 189!

10,000 steps

This article discusses the 10,000 steps and what numbers of steps are required for each activity level. In short:

<5000 = Sedentary
5000-7499 = Low Active
7500-9999 = Somewhat Active
≥10,000  = Active
≥12,500 = Highly Active

Personally, I'd like to be able to say, "I'm an active person." It's nice to have some sort of quantifiable goal, instead of just, "I go to the gym and do some stuff. I guess (maybe?) I'm active."

Methods -- Diet

I know there are lots of ways to do this: low-fat, low-calorie, low-carb, high-protein, etc. I don't think it can be disputed that calories are the most effective way of measuring food intake. I'll get into specifics of what those calories should be made up of (for me) below.

In the past, when attempting to cut calories, I've aimed for 1600-1800 calories a day. Since I tend to stray a little here and there, and 1600 always turns into 1800, I'm going to say 1600 is the ceiling. And we'll take that "extra" 200 calories per day and bank them for special occasions (kind of like how Weight Watchers gives you the extra points for wine and chocolate, or whatever your particular vices are).

According to the American Cancer Society's Web site, a "moderately active" 192-lb woman would need 3229 calories per day to maintain her weight (I believe this is called the basal metabolic rate (BMR). Another Web site gets more specific with age and height,  and tells me that I burn 2487 per day. Another still, says I get 2385. (By the way--these kinds of discrepancies could be diet killers. 800 extra calories a day could mean an extra pound and a half a week!)

Assuming the truth is closer to 2385, cutting out 785 calories per day translates into nearly 5500 calories per week. Since it takes 3500 fewer calories consumed to equal one pound of weight loss, we're looking at an average of 1.5 calories per week. A totally respectable rate of loss.

According to the American Cancer Society Web site, though, I'm probably considered more than "moderately active." I walk every day, not just 3-5 days a week, which is their definition of "moderate." In any event, I'll be doing more exercise, which can only mean more weight loss and general fitness.

In the past, my "diet" fare has generally been frozen, pre-portioned meals. I like the convenience of food that you can just grab and go with. But I have a few complaints/concerns with these. For starters, they're not that "healthy." White flour, sugar, etc. Second, they're not fresh. And third, you can actually eat so much more, for fewer calories, if you put your own meals together. Personally, I'd rather have double the vegetables and half the starch. I just like to eat a LOT of food.

So, when possible, I'll  make my own food. The past few days have had a lot of spaghetti squash (50 calories a cup!) and brown rice, tofu and vegetable concoctions. But I'll have to get a little more creative to keep myself interested for the long haul.

Another of my weaknesses is, I don't like to eat breakfast. Never really cared for it. But for the past few weeks, I've been eating breakfast casseroles. I made one last night that clocks in at less than 300 calories for a big serving, and since you make 8 servings at a time, you've got breakfast for the week. According to the New York Times article I posted earlier, one of the characteristics of people who successfully kept their weight off for more than a year, was that they ate breakfast. And I shall, too.

So, really, that's about it. 1600 calories. Mostly homemade, fresh food. Breakfast. Avoiding white flour and sugar (for the most part).

Methods -- Fitness

All right. So now that we've established WHAT I intend to do, let's talk a little bit about HOW I intend to do it. 
I joined a gym a few months ago. I've pretty much had memberships to some gym or another for the past 9 years or so. My attendance at said establishments tends to be all over the place. At times, I'm hardcore and I go and work out like crazy. When I get derailed, I can stay away for months at a time. And sometimes I go, but I'm just phoning it in. I'll walk on the treadmill for half an hour and go home. 


In November, I started trying to walk 10,000 steps a day. There's nothing strenuous about walking that much, it's just a matter of fitting it in. It basically amounts to adding about an hour of walking into what I'd ordinarily walk in the normal course of life.


I stuck with it mostly--averaging 8800 steps per day, or 13,000 five days a week. I ate pretty well for the most part, but slipped up between December 25 and Jan 1, and didn't lose a pound. (Didn't gain one, either!)


 So for January, I'd like to average the full 10,000 steps, plus strength training four times a week. What that means, specifically, is that, in addition to the walking, I use 5 machines to work my arms/chest twice a week, and 5 machines to work my legs/back/abs twice a week. 


Since I'd like to average 10k steps a day,  I'm actually aiming for 12, and coming closer to 11. I want to make sure that if I get sick or have to stay late at work, that I'm still on track. 


I'd like to start running again, but right now, at 192 lbs, I feel like it's not worth putting that kind of strain on my knees. It's something I would like to revisit in a month or so. And I think another challenge to revisit in February will be to add a class to my workout repertoire. 


My usual M.O. is to start something whole-heartedly,  see a small amount of success (3-4 lbs) and then back off (because clearly I'm doing so well, I deserve a break!) and then fall off the wagon completely, gain it back and say "What's the point??" I think it will be good to constantly re-evaluate the plan (both diet and exercise) and keep doing what needs to be done to keep it interesting. Saving running and a fitness class in my arsenal for later will help with any plateaus, too. 

Goals

I was sending a friend an e-mail, and I started laying out all my goals and strategies and getting into all the details of what I intend to do and how I intend to do it, when I realized...NO ONE CARES!!!

I know that sounds harsh, but seriously? No one wants to hear about what you PLAN to do. I know quite a few people who are always talking about their intended fitness and weight loss goals. But I've been hearing them talk about it for years, and nothing ever changes. I'm as guilty of this as anyone. So while I recognize the value of getting your friends' and family's support, I also recognize the value in shutting the eff up and just doing it.

The impetus for wanting to lose the weight is several-fold. First, obesity is (pun intended) HUGE in my family. On every side. I've known for years that, unless I work my ass off (literally), I will be facing the same fate as nearly everyone who has come before me.

Second, while I was reasonably fit as a kid and teen, for the past 17 years or so, my weight has been a theme: trying to lose it; trying to "be ok" with whatever I weighed; trying to maintain a healthy weight (for the brief time I WAS at one). I would seriously like to get myself where I want to be, and have learned enough from that process to keep it off. So no crazy diets, no dropping 10 lbs in 10 days. Just legitimately BECOMING healthy and then staying that way.

There's more, I'm sure. Looking awesome, wearing great clothes, being able to try zip-lining without worrying that I'll snap the cable and die a mangled mess in some rainforest.

So the optimistic goal is to lose 50 by June 24 (my 40th birthday), but the truth is, if it means losing it and keeping it off, I'd be fine with almost any steady weight loss (even if it takes a lot longer).

This article was extremely eye-opening and really brings home how honest we need to be with ourselves about what it takes to lose weight and keep it off. (It's long, but totally worth it.)